So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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