We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
