the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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