She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
