Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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