The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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