I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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