Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
