she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
