its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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