She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
