grandma shit on top of the toilet
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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