WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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