i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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