Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
