This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize