why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
