Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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