it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
