Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
