I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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