we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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