i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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