So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
