I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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