yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i now understand why vodka
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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