So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
