I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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