now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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