You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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