I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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