It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
