Soap is not a condiment
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
