if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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