He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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