The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
