he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
