Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
