i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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