he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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