I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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