Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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