i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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