the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We're not piercing ourselves today.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
