she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
