WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
