How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
