booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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