I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
