I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't turn off my feet"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
