your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
