super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
