so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
