He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
