morning after pill = breakfast in bed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
