Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
