God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize