I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
