The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
