does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
