Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
