we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
