Tell her she can't have a vagina
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She needs sedatives and a leash
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
