Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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