I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
