NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
