You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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