Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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