Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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