Heybabeimwearingurpanties
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
