Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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