She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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