I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
