i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
