Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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