It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
