So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
