And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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