At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
