you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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