Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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