Screwed.edu
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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