i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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