I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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