I seem to have left my pride at pride
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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