Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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