Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
