I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
