Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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