so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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