Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize