no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
