I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
