So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
