make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
