At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
