She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize