I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
